If we look closely at the common threads shared by the students we see thriving in the college process, there are a few pieces that often define them. Does it surprise you to know that these are not grades or test scores?
Undoubtedly, a strong academic curriculum in high school, taking advantage of rigorous classes, earning good grades, and to a lesser extent, performing well on standardized tests are common features of the applications of students who are admitted to the most selective colleges. However, if you were to examine the admissions pools at these colleges, you would find that likely 6 in 10 applicants share these similar ‘academic profiles.’ And yet, the acceptance rates at the most selective colleges are far less than 60%. So what distinguishes the 1 in 10 or even 1 in 25 who get in? 
The factors that distinguish them are often things that not only set their application apart, but in our view, are ways of seeing and being that have given them a more fulfilling high school experience. These qualities set them on a path that enables them to feel confident in knowing who they are, knowing they have the ability to face challenges, to change and grow, and have value to contribute to the world.
The key way to describe this?
Mattering. 
Kids who excel in the college admissions process and actually grow through the process know that they matter.
The science of mattering has been evolving over the past 30 years to become a central psychological concept and a key measure of mental health. Though it can be challenging to distinguish ‘mattering’ from concepts like self-esteem and belonging, it is distinct. 
Most simply, I understand mattering to mean two things: 
I am valued, and I add value.
Experiencing and believing these two simple statements can transform a young person; they can be developed at any age from early childhood through adulthood. And, mattering has the potential to build an adolescent experience for a young person navigating high school and traveling a path towards college that gives them a distinct sense of self and place in the world that is not only essential to their well being but lays the groundwork for the kind of college application that stands out. 
Over the next several weeks, we’ll explore more of the ways mattering contributes to a meaningful high school experience, and helps to shape the strongest, most authentic types of applications right here on the blog.
Whether you are the parent of a middle schooler or a high school student about to find themselves in the thick of the application process, there are a few things you can consider right now:
Young people who feel that they are valued by both peers and adults are on their way to mattering. This means cultivating meaningful relationships within their existing networks and beyond. Encouraging your child to feel that their presence and contributions at home are essential and that the ecosystem of your family depends on their presence at the dinner table, the chores they do, or the way they help out with younger siblings is where these seeds of mattering begin.
This extends to the communities they are a part of, including not just the academic context at school, but the clubs and teams they join there, the adults and peers they encounter in their activities outside of school, and the places and spaces they inhabit from a community pool or dance studio, to a job, a faith community, a neighborhood, or a volunteer role. 
In essence, kids who experience the sense that others truly see and appreciate them, and miss them in their absence are experiencing the “I am valued” part of the mattering equation. 
This alone is good, but not enough. 
Together with concrete ways they can see they are contributing positively to the lives of the people around them, kids experience not only “I am valued” but “I add value.” 
This is a kid who knows they matter. 
Notably, mattering is not achieving. Author Jennifer Breheny Wallace has written powerfully about this distinction. Racking up AP courses, awards, or high grades do not provide a young person the same deeply seated sense that they are valued and add value, simply by being exactly who they are and showing up for others. Mattering, however, empowers kids to take risks, to reach beyond their comfort zones, to have the confidence and motivation to go after goals or try new things. In this way, mattering supports achievement. Not all kids who have a strong sense of mattering are inherently excellent students, or exceptional performers; however, almost all kids who find lasting success that doesn’t cost them their well being have this foundation of mattering.
This is the first in a multipart series on mattering in the college process. 
Check back here in the coming weeks for more on how mattering can shape a student’s high school experience, prepare them to thrive in college, and create the foundation for the kind of college application that sets a student apart in the college process. 
TBU Advisors are experienced in supporting students to navigate their college choices and personal best fit. If you’d like to explore working with a TBU Advisor, get in touch here. We look forward to connecting with you.
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